Tales of the Hormonal Haruno
by LustForTheLetters
Summary: Ah, Sakura. The kunoichi that started it all. We've grown to love her, hate her, and from time to time, just wish that she would keep her mouth shut. Now, we can laugh, cry, and curse at her even more with "Tales of the Hormonal Haruno." Compilation of oneshots, ratings may vary.
1. Prologue

Within the vast list of characters from the popular anime and manga series, Naruto, there are many different kinds of female characters. Some of them prove to be quite useful, while some of them? Not so much.

One of the most common things I see when reading forums on Naruto, as a whole, is that Sakura is one of the most useless characters. Most people say that even with her powers in the second half of the series, she remains weak, and she still goes after Sasuke (and, to this point, even Naruto), like the plague.

So, with all of these things considered, is it still reasonable to dislike Sakura as a protagonist? There are certain faults with her, that is _certain_, but at the same time, I believe that we should look at her for some inspiring traits.

One of those traits being a good candidate for a parody fanfiction.

Ladies, gentlemen, and the few other oddballs within the audience to which we are unsure of your gender, I am proud to present: The Tales of the Hormonal Haruno


	2. A Hormonal Awakening

**A/N – Takes place during the first part of the series.**

There was absolutely, without a doubt, nothing more embarrassing than waking up and seeing a big, fat dot on the middle of your face. Typical teenage hormones going out of control, the young kunoichi was sure about that. However, she didn't actually realize it would happen to _her_.

Sakura's scream could've been heard all around Konoha– so, the term of someone's bark being worse than their bite was quite true in this case.

"_How_ could this happen?" Sakura squirmed in her own skin as she pressed the obnoxious bump. It felt just as disgusting as it looked, and with its greasy contact, the pink-haired medicine girl was sure that she could throw up any second.

"I know that this is around the time when I start getting acne, but did it _have_ to be today?" She yelled at herself, slipping out of her pajamas and getting into her qipao dress. Even the red color of the uniform could not take away the color of her so-called "disease."

"_Maybe if you wear a brown bag over your head, it won't be as distracting?" _Inner Sakura recommended. It was bad enough that she had acne for people to see, but wearing a _bag_? Could there possibly be anything more _humiliating_?

"What is Naruto or anybody else saw me like this?" Sakura asked herself, before widening her eyes, horrified. "No...what is _Sasuke_ sees me like this?! That would ruin my beauty and my reputation for sure! There's gotta be some kind of way I can get rid of this thing before anybody sees it!"

The young girl had no choice but to resolve in someone she knew could help – even if she didn't agree with her half the time. Sakura grabbed her headband, tried it around her forehead, and headed out the door.

* * *

"...can I help you?"

Ino sluggishly held the door open, unsure of why Sakura was at the flower ship, or why her hair looked like a huge, pink afro. Normally, Sakura took great pride in how she looked in the morning, but this time? Not so much.

"Listen, Ino. There are some _unfortunate_ circumstances that I am having, er, issues with. I figured you could help me out...?" Sakura pleaded, a look in her green eyes that was mixed with genuine concern.

Ino wasn't sure if she was being tricked or not, but regardless, she figured that Sakura was being honest. She opened the door wider and let Sakura walk inside, receiving a quite word of thanks for doing so.

"What issues are you talking about?" Ino watched as Sakura blushed lightly, rubbing the back of her head as though she was guilty.

"Well...let's just say that I have...a _condition_."

"...a condition?" Ino repeated, raising an eyebrow. Sakura laughed nervously and nodded.

"Er, yes...and this condition causes me to hide my head behind my headband...you know that normally I don't wear my headband up front like this." Sakura started pacing back and forth as the dreaded words came to her mind. "And now...I'm not sure how to fix it."

"Sakura, you know that if you have acne, there's no reason to throw a hissy fit about it, don't you?" Ino asked, watching as her friend gasped in response,

"Wha-? But how did you-?"

"_Please_ Sakura. Only you would get your panties in a knot over something like this." Ino laughed and walked closer to where Sakura stood. "Now, let's take a look here..."

"What? Oh no, you're not seeing this zit!" Sakura hysterically began to move her hands from left to right. "It might hiss at you!"

"_Hiss_ at me? Honestly, Sakura, you're behaving like a ..." Ino paused as she managed to untie the headband and look at her friend's forehead.

A deathly silence crept between the two of them, and after a few seconds of nothing being said, Ino gulped and tied the headband back on.

"...well, this might be more difficult than I thought..."

* * *

Ino and Sakura made their way through Konoha to find Tsunade, someone they knew they could get help with this kind of thing. It was much more crowded than it normally was, and the sun did not feel like giving them any mercy. Ino was the first to groan.

"Can you believe just how _hot_ it is today? I know it's summer and all, but I shouldn't feel like I am going to be melting at any second!" The blonde girl raised her hand, as though to fan herself, and Sakura giggled in response.

"Yeah, it really is hot today. It's almost as hot as - oh my God! Sasuke!" Sakura's eyes widened, and she quickly ran to the side of the street, behind a wooden post as the black-haired boy came to her vision.

"Sasuke? Yeah I know he's hot but you don't have to say it like that!" Ino replied. Sakura pointed to the middle of the street where Sasuke and Naruto were hanging out, and right as Ino looked up, she noticed that they were walking right in their direction.

"_Just as long as that stupid Naruto doesn't say anything about my headband, everything should be fine!" _Inner Sakura said, and the other version of Sakura nodded in agreement.

Too bad that it wasn't too long before Naruto noticed where she was hiding.

"Sakura? Is that you? You sure do pick the worse places to hide!" Naruto laughed obnoxiously, pointing towards the post as though it was the funniest thing to ever pop up. Sasuke, on the other hand, just crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.

"Do you always have to be annoying, Naruto?" Sakura yelled, glaring towards her friend and watching as the blonde boy smirked back.

"Nothing you can say will change him, Sakura." Ino commented, and as the other kids laughed, Naruto squinted towards Sakura's head.

"Sakura...you're not wearing your headband the way you normally do?"

"_Shit."_

"Why do you have it around your forehead?" Naruto asked, taking his finger and pressing the middle of Sakura's headband with it. The girl hissed as the pain coursed through her, and she swatted Naruto's finger away.

"That freaking hurt!" Sakura yelled, and a look mixed between confusion and regret was found in Naruto's eyes.

"Huh? But I barely pressed down on it...?" Naruto muttered, and Ino nervously walked to Sakura's side.

"Sakura is just having a terrible headache!" Ino tried to explain. "She's had one all morning..."

"A headache? Oh, then I know someone that can help her out!" The blonde boy exclaimed, taking Sakura by the hand and starting to run off, leaving Ino and Sasuke behind.

"Huh? Naruto, slow down, you're going to get us trampled!" Sakura yelled, and she was sure that Naruto couldn't hear her from how loud he was laughing.

Yup, Sakura knew she was going to die.

* * *

"_Sensei_?" Sakura questioned, reaching the same gray-haired man as he was skimming through another one of his erotic books.

Of all the people Naruto could bring her to, it was _Kakashi_?

The teacher barely moved the book out of his sight before looking down, seeing the two midgets before him.

"Oh, Naruto...Sakura." Kakashi sighed, sad that he had to close his story when it came to such a good part. Naruto pointed towards his friend and gave off an enormous grin.

"Sakura said she has a huge headache, so I figured that I could bring her to you and everything would turn out alright!"

"_There he goes again, just saying unnecessary garbage to make himself look smarter. Let's just ditch them and go to Tsunade."_

The teacher squinted his eyes towards the two children before scratching his head. Sakura couldn't tell if Kakashi was analyzing her condition or just trying to look creepy.

"Hm, Sakura, aren't you supposed to be in the beginning courses for medicine training?" Kakashi asked.

The pink-haired kunoichi smiled, her green eyes popping in excitement. "Why, yes, sensei, but -"

"Then how come a common headache would be such a troublesome matter for you?" Naruto laughed as their teacher said this, and Sakura shot back a glare towards the blonde.

"_I seriously am going to kill that rodent some day!"_

"I suppose I can help you, Sakura...meditation might do the trick!" Kakashi sat down on the ground and folded his knees in. He watched as Naruto followed the same route, before clasping his hands together and giving off a humming noise.

"Hmmmm..."

"Hmmmm..." Naruto copied, opening one of his eyes to make sure he was doing it right. Sakura groaned in annoyance, not sure whether to risk her mentality by doing something that was _obviously_ not going to help her, or risk going away and having them worry for nothing.

"Isn't this the absolute best way to calm your nerves?" Kakashi said, and as the medicine girl sat down to fake the meditating, she nodded.

"The pain is going away already, sensei!" Sakura lied, and as she was about to close her eyes, Naruto poked her in the forehead again.

"_Ow!" _Sakura hissed, and Naruto stood up from where he sat.

"Kakashi-sensei, I don't think that this is working. Sakura still hurts whenever I touch her forehead!"

"Then I guess we're going to have to try something else," Kakashi muttered, stepping up and cracking his knuckles, determined at this point.

"Maybe you can perform one of your jutsus on her?" Naruto recommended, and Sakura's face grew pale at the idea.

"_Naruto, can't you learn to shut your big, fat mouth?!"_

"I don't think that we should try that, Naruto." Kakashi stepped forward and smiled through this mask. "What if we went for a run, instead?"

"A run, yeah!" Naruto instantly began running away, not in a particular direction, and Sakura sighed before shaking her head.

"He never really thinks, does he?"

* * *

Running though their village would normally be a breeze, but Sakura was just trying to preoccupy herself and not make her 'condition' noticable. She was falling behind her teacher and teammate, but only by a little bit, and she was trying desperately not to slow down.

"_Why does running have to use so much energy?"_

"Tell me about it," Sakura muttered, watching as Naruto was slowing down slightly to run next to her.

"Sakura, are you feeling any better about your headache?" He asked, and the girl faked off a smile.

"Uh, yeah! It's getting better already!" She commented, trying not to hear her inner voice laugh and scream at her from the inside.

The blonde boy gave off his signature goofy grin before turning his head back towards the front.

"_You know, it's kind of funny how much Naruto cares about me...he's been constantly thinking about me feeling better this whole time...sometimes I wonder if he.."_

"Sakura, watch out!" Kakashi turned his head and called, pointing towards the ground as a thick branch came up from it, right in front of Sakura's legs.

Sakura didn't even have a chance to think twice before her left foot stubbed on the wood, causing the young girl to trip and fall down to the ground, her headband falling off in the process.

"_Oh...my...God."_

Running back to the girl, Naruto and Kakashi both were reaching down and trying to pick her back up, before the both of them saw the morphed zit on Sakura's forehead.

"What...is _that_?" Naruto whispered to his sensei, and Sakura immediately covered her head.

"Don't look at it! It's a disease!" The girl shrieked. She stood up and picked up the headband, trying to tie it back up, before Kakashi stopped her.

It was even more surpring that, this entire time, Kakashi could only laugh.

"This entire time you were worried about a _pimple_?" He asked, and Naruto grimaced in response.

"Why do girl even _have _pimples anyway?" The boy muttered, instantly regretting that comment as Sakura pulled up a fist.

"Why do boys have to be such ignorant, mouse-brained, idiotic -!"

"Now, now, let's calm down." Kakashi said, lightly taking Sakura's wrist and pushing it down. "Sakura, everybody gets acne. It's nothing to be ashamed about, now let's see how this one turned out."

The teacher leaned in and tried to get a closer inspection of the pimple, and as he did, his face turned white and he looked towards Naruto.

"Well...Naruto and I have got to go...erm, eat ramen! Yes, Naruto, let's go eat that new ramen dish you were oh so excited to tell me about..._now_."

Sakura watched as Kakashi and Naruto ran off, leaving her alone in the middle of the village, only standing there with her pimple out and her headband in her hand.

"Wait...where did everybody go?" Sakura asked, noticing that almost everyone seemed to run away now.

"_I told you we should've just gone to see Tsunade."_

**So, there will be more oneshots where that came from, probably every Monday or Sunday per week. I will try my best to update regularly, but if I can't, then that's just the way it is.**

**Hopefully I got down the characters right. This is my first Naruto fanfiction I am going to post on here, so maybe it was to your liking? Reviews and follows would be greatly appreciated, any kind of feedback would be nice! Thanks for reading!**


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